Contrary to popular opinion, being in a relationship doesn’t always mean regular sex. Even if you live with your partner, there may be days (or even weeks!) where you go without having sex. It might not be ideal, but it’s not out of the ordinary, either. Sex is never guaranteed, but what about going significant periods of time without sex? Are dry spells normal in relationships? Well, if you’ve been with your significant other for a while, the short answer is: Yes. Dry spells are totally normal, and nothing to get anxious about.
"While in a long-term relationship, eventually your sex frequency is going to naturally decline and thats okay," Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and relationship coach tells Elite Daily. "Most of the reasons you are going through a dry spell have nothing to do with you or the strength of your relationship." If this sounds familiar, then try not to freak out about it. Obviously, that’s easier said than done, but in most cases, a dry spell doesn’t always mean you and your partner lack attraction for each other.
On the other hand, if you and your partner are going through a dry spell and you feel it’s lasted way too long, there are definitely ways to get back that lovin’ feeling. Whether your dry spell is something that you can trace back to a certain fight or if it’s just a rut, Silva says it’s important to think back to the start. "Pamper yourself like you would if you were going to be going out on a date," she suggests. "Get a mani, pedi, blow out, facial or buy a new outfit. The goal is to exude confidence and sexiness. Then initiate sex with your SO and see how quickly that dry spell is gone."
This might not work if you just don’t have a lot of time to spend pampering yourself, but that’s OK. The idea is to simply make yourself feel sexy. If you feel good about yourself, then whatever is happening in the bedroom will be easier to address. Another way to recharge the romance with your boo is to put in a little effort with a sweet gesture. While the strain of everyday life and work makes it easy to feel down or tired, Silva says to try and remind your partner how great things are between you two, and how much you care about them.
"Break that cycle by randomly re-creating your first date at home, preferably the bedroom," Silva advises. "Candles, rose petals, dinner, movie anything that can recreate that first date." But if the main cause of your dry spell runs deeper than that, Silva recommends talking it out. "If you want to improve your relationships, you can begin with working on your communication and listening skills," she says. "Miscommunication and not being heard quickly becomes anger, resentment, regret or sex withdrawal."
In any relationship, there may be times when the romance plateaus, or tensions build, or emotions erupt. This is normal, and it doesn’t always mean that your relationship is failing. It might just mean that you and bae have moved past the honeymoon phase. Overall, Silva says not to force intimacy. "More than likely the sex will not be orgasmic and it will lower your self-esteem," she says, of trying to make sex happen when neither of you are feeling it. All that will do is "bring you back to the rut cycle you wanted to avoid to begin with," Silva continues.
So, take a deep breath. Dry spells are totally normal, and there are ways to bring them to a halt. You deserve to feel sexy in your relationship and fulfilled in the bedroom, so don’t be afraid to speak up!